All I want for Christmas is for gay guys to be straight
And for straight guys to be gallant, and never be late.
Their beer bellies would be gone and their tattoos taboo
They would be smart, clean and tidy and always smelling good too.
They would visit the dentists, twice a year at least;
Oh ladies, with all these gorgeous men, what a Christmas feast.
All I want for Christmas are men who are straight
Acquire qualities it seems reserved for gays, I have as mates.
Straight men could be cultured and also very well read,
Cooking and design skills would replace football instead.
Kindness and consideration would always be at the fore,
Not casual uncaring behaviour as was before.
All I want for Christmas is to always live in hope
That one day straight men will learn to dance,
And that my dreams for change eventually come to pass.